EASY BRIDAL SHOWERS!

Not Your Mother's Bridal Shower

If you love to attend bridal showers, can't wait to see what funny little games you'll play, and are anxious to receive your cute, crafty favor, then you may not enjoy this article or the recent trends in these events. Some women enjoy the traditional bridal shower, but many do not and find themselves going through the motions because it is what their mothers did. If you find yourself in this category, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Many brides-to-be question tradition, but how was the tradition first established, and do the reasons to have a traditional bridal shower still hold true today? The tradition, itself, was derived from an old legend where a beautiful, young, woman from an affluent family decided to go against her family's wishes and marry her true love, who happened to be very poor. The bride's father was furious with rage that his daughter would choose to marry a lowly peasant. He told her that if she continued her rebellious behavior and married this man, she would receive no dowry, he would cut her off from the family fortune, and she would be forced to live a poor life. Feeling sorry for the couple, their friends got together and gave them items they would need to set up their home. They chose a day, surprised the couple, and "showered" them with gifts. The tradition continued as newly wed couples left their parent's houses to start a home of their own, having nothing but their clothing to bring to the marriage. Most of us have been guests at "Kitchen and Bathroom Showers", where the couple receives pots, pans, towels and the like, but in this day and age, are traditional showers really necessary? Times have changed. The US Census stated that in the year 2000, there were approximately 10 million unmarried couples living together, a tenfold increase from 1996. Cohabitation is becoming more common, and while traditional conservatives believe that a couple should never live together until after marriage, more and more Americans are choosing to do so. Why, then, are couples registering for kitchen and bathroom items when they have already lived together for X amount of time and possess a lot of these items? The answer: tradition; their mothers did it, and their grandmothers did it. Some couples see this as an opportunity to "trade up" for nicer kitchenware or to finally get that expensive china they've been eyeing. Practical couples feel pressured by retailers to place more items on their registry that they really don't need. Guests feel pressured to purchase something from the registry rather than give a gift not itemized on the couple's want-list. How, then, is it possible to blend traditional ideals with the contemporary realities of life? Let's compare traditional norms to what some brides today are doing to break the mold. Who is supposed to throw the bridal shower? Traditional view: The Maid of Honor Contemporary view: Because bridal showers can get expensive, and often the financial burden can be overwhelming for the Maid of Honor, alone, the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, and the bridesmaids are pitching in to help out. Whether it's taking charge of the RSVP's or making the favors, it is far more common for the bridal shower to be the result of a group effort. Where is the bridal shower held? Traditional view: The home of the Maid of Honor or the mother of the bride (which would have also been the bride's home at the time) Contemporary view: It is becoming more popular to have showers in halls or even in local restaurants. This gives today's contemporary, professional women less to worry about in organizing the event. Having the shower at a hall or restaurant means that you don't need to spend the day before the shower vacuuming and dusting your home, nor spend the day after washing dishes and doing post-party clean up. When to schedule the bridal shower? Traditional view: Anywhere from 6 weeks to 2 weeks before the wedding date Contemporary view: The timetable is pretty much the same, but is far more dependent on when relatives and friends from far away can make it. It is not uncommon for showers to be held a couple of days before the wedding when all the guests are in town. What to give as gifts at the bridal shower? Traditional view: Kitchen and bathroom items chosen from the couple's registry list Contemporary view: Many brides are breaking away from the "Kitchen and Bathroom Shower" and are becoming creative with shower themes. For example, a couple who had lived together for a while and had kitchenware decided to throw a garden themed shower. They had wanted to do some landscaping improvements for a while and with gifts like seeds, pots, and gardening and yard tools, their backyard was soon worthy of a barbeque! The couple also enjoyed the "together time" working on their yard. Another cohabitating couple that just turned their basement into a game room and sports pub decided to throw a stock the bar shower, where guests, both men and women, were invited and brought bottles of wine and liquor to fill the couple's new not-so-mini bar. Other couple's decide to dump the theme idea altogether, and have a co-ed party with all their family and friends (kind of a small, casual party before the big, formal party). Whatever you decide, remember to make your guest as comfortable as possible, especially those older folks who won't understand why you "couldn't just have a 'regular' shower". Whether you are a traditionalist or a more modern bride, whether you are living with your husband-to-be or you are waiting to move in together until after marriage, remember that a bridal shower can be fun. The reasons to hold a shower may have changed, but the tradition of holding a get together to honor the bride/couple before their marriage is strong. Whether you would prefer a co-ed party to a girls-only shower or not, let others know your wishes, so you are sure to have an enjoyable time filled with memories.

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